Those who are out of touch with themselves try to fill the inner emptiness with external things. Unfortunately, empty people attract empty people or fall prey to manipulators who suppress their self-worth. The only way to create a healthy relationship is to make friends with yourself. This will kill two birds with one stone.
First of all, you will become a more complete person, you will begin to attract the same complete people who will not need to raise their value at your expense. Second, you will stop being afraid of loneliness.
When I advise people to spend some time alone with themselves, they resist at first. I was like that too and I kept making the same mistake of getting into relationships with the wrong people.
My ex left me for another, then I decided I needed a new relationship as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the new relationship did not bring happiness to either me or the man. Years passed before I made friends with myself and met true love. It happened when I learned to feel happy on my own, I stopped depending on others and their opinion about me.
What does it mean to build a relationship with yourself?
Learn to hear yourself
Communicate with yourself. Learn to spend time in silence with yourself. It will be awkward at first, but a lot is revealed during these periods of silence. If you’re constantly looking at your smartphone or computer screen, your brain is too busy to notice and evaluate what’s going on in your inner world. Learn to disconnect from external stimuli and hear your inner voice.
Learn to nurture yourself
Realize that you are already a complete person. Do something you’ve wanted to try for a long time. Enroll in foreign language courses, learn to draw or drive a motorcycle. You can travel alone. Sound intimidating? It may be uncomfortable at first, but you will definitely get involved in the process and gain valuable experience from the process. Learn to enjoy your company.
Allow yourself to be sad
Accept failure, allow yourself to cry, feel sad or angry. When you learn to survive sad events, you will not be afraid of new failures. By freeing yourself from your fears, you will be able to make better choices.
Make friends with people who are happy with their lives
When I left my husband and moved to Massachusetts with my children, I was terrified. If I hadn’t found a job, I would never have decided to leave. At that time, someone advised me, “Make friends with people who have what you dream of.” So I did. My new friends were happy, living full lives. Not all of them were married, but they were not depressed by loneliness.
Learn to relax
Lie in a bubble bath, get to know your physical self. Stay away from outside noise, you can only listen to music for relaxation and meditation. Learn relaxation techniques, don’t try to do everything right – you will learn it gradually.
Learn to appreciate moments of solitude
Imagine you have a partner. Just don’t idealize him, think about scolding, control and pointless arguments. Let go of illusions and recognize that it is better to be alone than to suffer in an unhappy relationship.
When you learn to live at peace with yourself, you will love yourself and your life so much that you will not want to threaten it with a questionable relationship. Happiness will depend only on you.
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